1:12 a.m.
5th January 2012
I watched as B.M pick up the children in the living room and took them to their beds, she was in the room between both of them, I passed by she was playing with one of the little one’s hair and talking. I am guessing she was telling him a story, while the other one was already asleep. As I am going to bed, her night is just beginning as she probably won’t sleep till the morning to study for tomorrow’s exam.
Her study on the kitchen floor didn’t last more than half an hour, she was up to get water, up to get father’s medicine, up to serve food, up to say goodbye to guests and so on….
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| The last place I was in, when in Kermanshah, before going to see other relatives, in a different city |
While washing the desert dishes and the millionth pyala (glass used for drinking tea—OK, so I am exaggerating but I swear I am serious! Well… 5th, but still.) B.M. and I had a quick conversation. She is so happy of her life, and where she is. She wouldn’t want to live anywhere else in the world, she is proud of her Kurdish background and has maintained a strong affection and connection to her Kurdish roots. I discovered my cousin is a writer, who has written many poems in our Kurdish dialect. She likes to read and write in her free time, I am just woundering when she managed to have free time with all the commitments and responsibilities she has.
Funny, how we are both Kurds, both from the same family, both related by blood; yet we are so different in the life we lead… but we seem to understand each other well.
Approx. 2:15 a.m.
My journey ends tonight, early tomorrow, at 7:30 a.m. we are off to the border, where an “EXIT” will be stamped into our passports and it’s back to Khanaqin for a night, then back to Erbil where I will spend my last day with the family before flying off to my room in Nottingham—where the deadlines are waiting for me*.
As everyone is asleep, and in a matter of minutes I will put my head down on the pillow too for one final time in Iranian-Kurdistan I will go to bed, but will probably toss and turn for the next hour or so. I will be thinking about how upsetting it is for one big family to live apart and far from one another because of reasons beyond their control. I am still upset that my father for over twenty years hadn’t seen some of his far relatives who he so closely loves. I sleep having in my mind how interesting it is that my parents throughout all these years have always had contact with all the relatives here—something that I hadn’t known. They had always known each other’s news and were aware of who had died, who was unwell, who had kids and who married who.
Tonight, once again I am going to go to bed, my eyes will be closed but in the middle of the black paper in front of my eyes my mind will write “KURD” and around it, I will brainstorm what it means to be a Kurd for Sazan, this experience has opened many questions in my mind and has introduced many thoughts as well.
In the past six days I have met over hundreds of khezm, I have seen things that have made me think greatly and deeply about many aspects of not only my life, but the life of all of our family, and I have met great individuals (especially B.M) who have inspired me. Above all, 6 full days with my family, the three people who are everything in my life. Next week this time I am going to be in my lonely room, far from everyone. I will leave all these people behind, but with me I am going to carry lessons learned and memories to cherish for many years to come. I am tired of all the visits (and sloppy kisses), tired of going from house to house and sitting for hours talking, but I know when I leave I will miss all this (the sloppy old lady kisses included!!!)…
Maybe one day I will write a book about this very HUGE Kurdish family of mine that has half of it in Iranian Kurdistan and the other half in Iraqi-Kurdistan. Or maybe I will write a book on why these two families shouldn’t need a visa to see each other; maybe I even won’t write a book at all; maybe I will stand on my feet and do something about it chunka bakhwa aawa nabet, na, na, nabet!!!
I will say goodnight now, the sound of typing is getting annoying so I might as well take the initiative and stop on my own before being told off by M.M junior.
*I need a chance to sit alone and recap the last three weeks and everything that has happened
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