Love from Behind Bars

Helloooo to World's Most Loyal Blog Readers!!

Baashiiii?*

The sweet H.M. and I (A.S. too) have started a research in the women's prison in Erbil. Lucky me (I'm not being sarcastic. I mean it) is assigned to do the interviews, field work and closely studying individual cases. What can I say? I won't give any specific details because the findings are indeed very interesting so far. But who would have thought my trips to the prison would also take me jewelry shopping?!

A piece handmade by one of the prisoner

Put the findings aside for now. At the prison, I realized many of the younger women I was sitting with had handmade jewelry on. In those moments when they began crying, feeling upset, I would draw their attention to some of the beautiful little pieces they had either on their fingers, little hair clips or necklaces. I came to know that some of the inmates are making a lot of handmade goods, including jewelry. How else would they spend their time?

Some of the purchases I made from one of the inmates 

After an intense Thursday morning, I spoke to the director, and managed to push through my case that I must buy some of the handmade treasures in support of the women. She made a phone call, within two minutes a very humble, skinny, pale and blue-eyed woman came in with a plastic bag in her hand. She was one of the inmates who has a sentence of more than just a few years. I still, to this second, don't understand how much jewelry was put into that small plastic bag-- over 450 pieces. Let's say 500!

So, I chose some little bits and pieces, some for me, others I will put away to give to special friends. Some of the pieces take more than a few hours to make, yet the cost she was asking for was incredibly cheap -- ranging from 2 IQD to 4000 (basically $1.50 to less than $3.50). Considering the monthly wages they receive selling their jewelry is not only encouraging them to continue their handmade work, but also some extra income which they can spend or save.

Forget the gold belt on Jli Kurdi (Kurdish clothes) this is too pretty! 

When you can look at each piece, all different in size and colors, you can't help but think: "The girl who did this, where was she sitting, what was she thinking as she put in the individual beads? Who was she thinking of? What are her dreams? What is her story?" And that's the beauty of these pieces. But I am sure each one is made with love, with lots of patience and sometimes made with feelings of regret.

Loved how she had used the colors in this one (it can be both a necklace or a bracelet) 

Just to imagine all these beads were put through the thread by hand...

For younger children perhaps

I LOVED this one! 

Perhaps a necklace?

If you are in Erbil and you wish to make purchases drop me an email, and I will make sure you get your goods. They make thoughtful gifts and at the same time the money is going to someone who can really use.

For those of you (I hope none) who are now thinking "I am not supporting criminals by buying their products" be sure, most--not all-- are victims themselves victims of some of the norms in our society. Not every woman behind bars in a prison is a bad person. Be sure about that.


p.s. For those waiting there is a post coming up on Volunteering Ideas in Erbil and another answering some questions that I have gathered from recent emails on visiting Kurdistan. Stay tuned Loyal Readers!



* Are you well? 

I DO - Part III (Last one)

PART III

Your Big Fat Kurdish Wedding

Helloooo Hellooo Helloo Loyal Blog Readers!

(Yes. Yes. I know. I know. Late again. This post was supposed to be made a few Wednesdays back.)

Sorry not the Kurdish way

So. You said "I do" and now it's time for the wedding. The beauty of a Kurdish wedding is that it is not just a one-day big event. No, there are many occasions that build to that big day in the white dress.

We will fast forward the proposing part, because it has become so confusing, there is almost no uniform way of doing it among younger generation Kurds*. But if you're a Kurdish girl then don't expect a Kurdish man to fall on his knees when you least expect it to ask you "will you marry me?" and you being in tears saying: "Oh you surprised me.. y-y-yes!" You know the things you see in movies. Well, yes, that's just in movies.

Dear Kurdish Girl: In your dreams!

The Men
After an indication has been made to the groom-to-be (from this point onwards referred to as zawa, Kurdish word for groom) or a final yes is given to his family (through the women) then the men come. This is usually a big deal. Sometimes 50 cars filled with men arrive to the girl's house, this is slowly changing and now four or five men is sometimes seen as enough. They sit separately in a room, and after making the zawa sound like Prince William by all the complements all the men give him in front of the girl's father, brothers and uncles, they finally ask for the girl's hand. Since they know they are receiving an approval, after some talks from the girl's father (or older brother, uncle etc..) a lot of things are said but in the end it's a "yes" (sometimes the father places conditions on the marriage. Other times they may discuss the dowry etc. but girls these days make an effort to make sure this is not discussed among the men... after all, it is embarrassing!)

:) 

They read the Fatiha (sura from the Quraan) and sometimes on the same day, or after few days, a religious man comes (Mala or Mullah) this is when the couple are Islamically declared husband and wife (except there is no "you may kiss the bride").

The Mala 
In my opinion the most difficult part of the entire marriage process is when you wear white, with a veil on your head and you reply a 'yes' to the Mala. Then the zawa and bride-to-be's (bwk in Kurdish. Pronounced: book) father lock hands, say few words after the Mala, everyone reads fatiha and then you here something like: klelelelelelelelellelelelelelelelele from all the women. And that, my dear reader, signifies the fact that you are now a fiancé (or a wife). Sweets, drinks and food follow. Sometimes there is music and dance, sometimes there isn't. It's all choice.

After mara brin - Islamic I DO in the presence of the Mulla

Often, on a separate day a party is made, where the bride-to-be wears all the gold the groom's family have given her. Sometimes this is done at the day of the wedding, or other times, this is not done at all. But sadly, this culture of showing off is still evident!

Then the next day you need to take sweets to your workplace, to share the celebration. Everyone says 'piroza' (congratulations) and be prepared to answer a lot of questions A) about our Mr. Prince and B) about the details of when the wedding will take place.

The Wedding
Unlike the West where people plan their weddings one year in advance, here an entire wedding can be planned and undertaken in 8 weeks or less. In one year, the couple probably got to know each other, got engaged, got married and have a baby as well.

Wedding in Kurdistan, no hassle?!

After a few weeks you will find yourself in your fiancé's car every evening driving the streets of Ainkawa stopping at every single bridal shop. And of course, complaining that you will never find the right dress. Because lets be honest the choices are... not the best! You soon realize saying 'yes' to the Man was easier than saying 'yes' to any white dress you will try on.

Good luck with wedding-dress shops

The Venue
Type A: This all depends on the family, and the budget. Sometimes families decide to go outdoors in a garden, mountain or any green area with chairs, music and a big celebration of the bwk w zawa as they all dance in their beautiful Kurdish clothes.

Type B: Other times, event halls are booked, there is no wedding planner! No. Not at all. Just the hall, food is either sandwiches or one dish for everyone. There is music, pictures and lots and lots of dancing.

What an outdoor wedding might look like in Kurdistan

Type C: Recently, with the fancy hotels opening in the Region, those who have the budget undertake their weddings in hotels. The guest list is sometimes restricted to close family and friends (still reaches 200 people) food is catered for, there is live singing (this is sometimes also the case for Type B weddings) and lots and lots of dancing.

Many hotel options in available in Erbil (note, this is not one)

Aaahhh... The Guest LIST!!!!!!!!!!!!! 
In Type A and B weddings usually everyone is invited including the neighbors, the neighbor's cousin, and so many others that the bwk w zawa (bride and groom) don't even know. 

Be sure, all the kids will invite themselves too. Sadly, the culture of KIDS ARENT INVITED TO WEDDINGS is still not clear to many people. And yes, you will have a crying toddler at your wedding, and as you cut your cake the little princes and princesses will surround the cake (argh!).

Invitations usually given a week in advance

The Party
No matter what type of wedding party you go to, if the budget is half a million dollars or $500 you come back with your feet swollen and your voice lost because of the dancing, singing, shouting and you know.. that klelelelel sound us women do!

I love the dahol w zurna at Kurdish weddings! 

Usually there is a khana-bandan, which is a night before the wedding where the girl and her good friends get together to put henna on the bride-to-be's hands. There is dancing, and food exclusive for the girls.

The following morning the bride and some of her friends or family go to the salon where her hair and makeup is done (OVER DONE), the groom and few members of his family pick her up. The car is decorated, music is loud, horns are on, you drive around to a pre-booked studio to get the wedding pictures done (nowadays outdoor photography is becoming popular, so the photographer joins the bride and groom in one of the bigger parks, i.e. Martyr Sami Abdul Rahman Park) after the photo shoot they make their way to the wedding venue.

Our salons and make up artists need serious training!

Rings are exchanged, cake is cut, people take pictures with the bwk w zawa, food is eaten, shoulders ache, feet ache (did I mention there is dancing?) and slowly people leave.

Considering this is a Middle Eastern society always expect the few people who never dance and just use the occasion to watch everyone, who is wearing what and who is doing what and who has come and who has not (this will be the gossip for the next week). Usually, older mums take the opportunity to look around for a pretty girl for their son (because he is so gunaaaha, can't find a bride for himself). And if you're single, whoever sees you they wish for you to be a bride/groom soon.

Bride and groom through the streets in Kurdistan

Soon there are few close friends left that take the bride and groom to the hotel.

And then... let's hope they live happily ever after.

By the way: There is no Best Man Speech, or Maid of honor speech or even groom's speech! Which is something I like about Western Weddings!


After Party with One Month
"Baby on the way?"

If you dare say "I am not well" everyone will ask if there is a baby on the way. If after a few months there is no baby, some will ask if there is something wrong with you, or if you want the name of the great doctor that her cousin's friend went to, then got pregnant after few months.

Yup. Society will ask, you answer! 

Oh yes! Some people have a day after the wedding for the gifts at the bride and groom's place. This is called haftana (usually happens seven days after the wedding) some refuse to hold this tradition, and therefore, gifts are also welcome on the wedding day or  they are taken to the new couple's place after the wedding. You must also invite the new couple for a meal out or at your house! Maybe so the bride doesn't need to cook for a while :)

Gifts usually money or house needs, sometimes gold jewelry 

And that, my dear reader is your Big Fat Kurdish Wedding

*Please note, wedding traditions vary greatly among different parts of Kurdistan, among different villages and even different families. The younger generation Kurds who are familiar with the west sometimes create their own trend of a wedding culture (of course, where the family does not appose). 

NOTE: ALL pictures taken from google images. Sorry, internet way too slow for me to put the link of each of the sources for the image. Let's hope no one charges me with any copy right issues. 

I DO - Part II

Helllooo Loyal Blog Reader,

Last Wednesday I wrote an entry for a group of desperate Western girls who had emailed over time asking how it is to be married into a Kurdish family, since Mr. Prince Charming (who happens to be a Kurd) had proposed!

Your fairytale with Mr. Kurd begins...

You know the drill, let's start with #TwitterKurds hints

Tip Number 6 from @AlanMAziz - "Keep an open mind realize that it's a completely different culture and there's different expectations for women." 
This we can argue about. Yes, be open minded, and yes you might not be able to feel entirely comfortable riding your bike in the early mornings through the streets of this beautiful city with your other half. But let's be honest, this does not mean it is the end of the world. You can freely go for walks in the evenings, sit at a cafe (outdoor or indoor), go watch movies (Empire Cinemas in Family Mall best option so far), go ice-skating, and what else is there? Basically, even if you are the type who likes to enjoy a drink at the bar on Thursday afternoons (NOTE: It will take a while after you arrive in Kurdistan to learn that Thursday is Friday, and Sunday is actually Monday) there are options for that as well. Although, I am definitely the wrong person to give you advice on these places.

Liana emailed saying she could not stop laughing reading the previous entry because she actually went through all the stages, and her advice is: You must study Mr. Prince's family well (So this is Tip Number 7 from Liana) I guess you can ask him how open minded his family members are. For example, some will not mind if Mr. Prince helps out in the kitchen, while other families (well, the mother-in-law in particular) might see this as the end of the world. After all, her poor, sweet son after so long finally got married only to end up in the kitchen. Hence, you might like to take on roles such as washing dishes, cooking, and doing the laundry when you sense there is a CIA member around.

Your dream Mr. Kurd 

Now I have not seen this myself.* However, what I know to be very true is that it is expected of a woman to be the loving parent to her children, to sacrifice for her children's sake and she should respect her partner. It is essential for women in my society, those who are in the golden cage, (this term is used to refer to the married life for a girl. Please don't get me started on this one, I don't see the point, a cage is a cage whether it is gold, diamond or plastic, anywayyyy) they prioritize their time for their family, even if they are working. While some perceive this as negative, I see it as one of the beautiful attributes that keeps the family bond strong (though the man of the house should do the same. That's just my opinion).

Tip Number 8 from Nicole - "Let him know from the start what you are not willing to compromise in your life."  
Since these wise words came from someone who has already been through the experience, all I can add is that you can make it clear to your Kurdish Prince early on, before you say "I do", what you are and what you are not willing to change in yourself and your life. For example, if you are not willing to have a baby (boy!) at least three years into the marriage let him know (because two days after you are declared as husband and wife every person in the neighborhood wants to know if you are expecting yet or not, and if not, then why not? hehe. Yup!). So, if at anytime your Mr. Prince gets affected by those side-talks from those who can't wait for him to be a father  you can just kindly remind him of you prior agreements. (By the way, to be honest, I didn't think people would ask a western bride why she doesn't have a baby bump yet, but Nicole brought it up in her email. Looks like beautiful Miss Blonde gets treated the same as any Kurdish girl.)

Tip Number 9 from Mariana - "The good side is you can get away with many things."
 I am not sure what you can get away with, but maybe Mariana means when you have a chance to use the excuse "I didn't know, I have not grown up here" just use it.

Nicole and Mariana shared their amazing experience in marrying Mr. Kurd (one in UK the other in Australia) and then returning to Kurdsitan to live here for good. Nicole is a mother of three children (two births given in Erbil) and is happier than she can ever be though she did say "tell all those girls who are in love and lost as you put it not to worry, nothing is scarier than the moment your mother drops her mouth wide open 'Kazakhstan?!!!!!!!!'" Hence, if you have got through introducing Mr. Kurd to your family (and your family come to believe that Kurdistan does exist in this planet) then everything after that is a piece of cake (or a dish of dolma? Sorry, lame again? SK?!?!).  At the end of her email she signed off: "Sazan, tell your Loyal Readers after saying "I do" to my Mr. Kurd, him, his family and life in Kurdistan has given me some headache at some points, but if I was asked again, still I would say I DO. LOUD AND CLEAR."

Best way to finish off, next stop your wedding!!

Till next Wednesday
keep smiling,






* But I must admit I do have the best mother-in-law one can wish for! 


 

Your guide to saying "I do" to Mr. Kurd

Hellooooo dearest Loyal Blog Reader,

PART I

Kurdish men are increasingly proposing to the beautiful blonde girl, who has grown up in an open society which originally gave her the right to fall in love with a foreign man; then she finds herself in a much more challenging environment (that was the best, politest and most optimistic way I could word what I wanted to say).

Marrying the Kurdish man

While Mr. Kurd is  throwing the "Will you marry me?" question
Poor me is getting the "Will you help me?" question from Western girls who are.. well, in love and lost.

Most  recently, I got an email from someone who has already said yes. Her questions were more on the visit (correction: living) in Kurdistan. This, reminded me of the infinite woman who had previously emailed asking what they should expect, and well.... tips! I am writing an entry today, only because I have recently met few women who have walked the isle (errrrr.... or had that awkward Mullah* experience) with their Mr. Kurdish Prince, this has given me enough confidence to give you an insight of what to expect as a wife to a Kurdish man (please note that not all Kurdish men are the same. You might disagree with me here. But that doesn't matter) and how do you go about meeting his family back home!!

Anyhowwwww. Let me get into this. I asked #TwitterKurds to give advice that I can share with you, my dearest Bride-To-Be to Mr. Kurd, sadly, most of the comments were not too positive with a few "Just don't do it" replies. But let's ignore those.

First of all PIROZA!! (Congratulations. Tip Number Zero: learn that word). Don't be freaked out by the tips and comments to come from this entry. Let me be serious for a bit, you are blessed to be part of a Kurdish man's life, because I am almost sure you will feel protected, loved, cared for and respected. Above all you will feel settled. Kurdish families are also very warm hearted and loving, although without prior knowledge of what to expect the journey in the beginning might be a little difficult. In a series of three part blog posts, I will try to make that transition much easier for you. 

Bwk w zawa (bride and groom in Kurdish)

So, are you ready?

Here are some tips from #TwitterKurds - of course, with my extra commentating here and there:

Tip Number 1 from @fawakii -  "Be ready for intruding family members" 
This  made me laugh, because yes, expect lots of intrusion. There's a joke among girls that you don't just say "I do" to  your Mr. Prince Charming, but in agreeing to the marriage, you are saying "I do" to the King and Queen of your Prince. I am sorry, on this one I can't help you out more than this.

Tip Number 2 from @HediKurds - "Expect to wash the dishes after every gathering and prepare yourself for a close relationship with his fam." 
Yup. Unless your mother-in-law has A) a dish washer or B) an Ethiopian maid then it is only polite and thoughtful of you to nominate yourself to wash the dishes. Sometimes it is not a matter of choice, if your one of your in-laws are outspoken they might kindly ask you to help wash the dishes. So save yourself the embarrassment and take initiative as soon as the tea comes to go to the kitchen and wash the dishes (while you're at it, wash the huge pots too. TIP: fill the pots with warm water and add some dishwashing liquid then just leave it on the sink. They will think you wanted to come back later and wash it, but you just happen to have forgotten. Evil plan. Apparently always works).

Very Important: While you will hear a lot about Kurdish mother-in-laws, from experience I can tell you, they are and they can be the greatest individuals ever. After all, she is the one who gave birth to your groom.~

Don't steal him from his family

Tip Number 3 from @fafabeans - "Love is love. if they respect & love you, & want u to be happy/successful go for it. But following the same religion helps!"
Aaahhh yes, religion. While you and your Prince Charming have probably agreed on the little details: Like, he has probably mentioned to you 1) he wants to name his future kids Kurdish names and 2) he is going to circumcise his son, there is always the bigger issue when it comes to religion. If his parents were first reluctant of you joining the family the main reason would probably be because you are of a different faith. If you have agreed to convert to Islam you should feel a little more welcomed (I am just guessing this one) my tip for you, my dearest Bride-To-Be is celebrate the family special occasions like Jezhn--eid-- dress up, make an effort, respect the holy month of Ramadan whether you have decided to fast or not, and read about the Quraan.

Religion on one side, in my opinion it is more the culture that you have to be aware of. If you are visiting Kurdistan with him for the first time, to be introduced to La Familia (or is it Le? anywaaaayyy) then I do advice you to do the following (for your good, for his good, for the good of mankind--lame joke, sorry!)

1. Take out any piercings that you might have on your eyebrows, tongue, lips. You can keep your bellybutton piercing. Because I am assuming that you aren't planning to show your belly- That is a NO NO!! Nose piercings should be fine.

2. Dress modestly. This does not mean you wear skirts covering your ankles and your Prince's baggy shirt. However, skirts should not be above the knees, don't show too much cleavage, t-shirts are fine, these are all guidelines to start off with. After a while you will be wise enough to make appropriate decisions as to what to wear where.

No need to over-do it

As soon as you arrive, make yourself some nice Jli Kurdi (Kurdish clothes, I have blogged about this a lot, so feel at home and browse the blog for more information) wear them in special celebrations or even fancy dinners where you can't make a decision of what is appreciate to wear. Because when it comes to Kurdish traditional clothes you can wear them any time, any day to any event and they are always appropriate. On that point everyone will complement you, that way you can smile and say "zor supas" in your sweet newly-learned Kurdish accent. (Awww!! I can already imagine how stunning you will look.)

Kurdish artist in Kurdish clothes, see more here

Random tip (Number five) - "Do not live with your in-laws"
A few of the western women I know, who are happily married to a Mr. Kurd and are now living in Kurdistan would probably yell this tip in your face. Not because your in-laws are evil devils (in fact they might be just a little bit too nice) but keep in mind that while your Prince has lived in the west, your in-laws haven't. So it is only natural for them to observe you very closely and criticize some of your decisions/ actions at the start.

Okay...I think that is enough for now. Study these closely and stay tuned for PART II.

In PART III I will talk about your Big Fat Kurdish Wedding. :) hehe!! Until then xoshm awe, now you tell me what that means.

Stay tuned..

* Usually, saying "I do" the islamic way -- which is how the majority of Kurdish girls get married -- includes sitting in front of the Mullah (religious man) and saying yes to him. It is a rather awkward moment for many girls. 
~Don't be under an impression she is an evil witch, because she has the sweetest words and is filled with lovely emotions. If she loves her son, she will love you more. Trust me. Very few will have the mission of destroying your marriage. 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY Mandalawi.blogspot.com 5 YEARS!!!

Hellloooo Helllooo Loyal Blog Reader!!!

Choni? Bashi?** Or as we say cheooni Khaasi???? :)

I AM SO SORRY for all those who emailed me and were promised that the next entry, meaning this blog post, will answer their questions about Erbil. It is on it's way. I promise. Give me two more days. Pleeeeeeease!

Baby B. in Erbil

Soooooo...

Two HUGE and VERY IMPORTANT things are happening this month. First of all, my blog is now officially FIVE years old (Thanks to you Loyal Blog Readers)*. Coincidently, September 20th is also the birthday of the most precious little girl, Baby B., daughter of J.A. who turned one. Hang in there I will tell you who J.A. is, but first...

Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday to you
Happy birthday dear B.
Happy Birthday to you

I want to take this opportunity to blab on a little bit about how this blog has changed my life. I can't make reference to every single incident that I have come across in the past five years, however two will have to be mentioned.

J.A.  From Beirut to Erbil

In the early stages of my blog J.A. wrote an email to me --just like many of you Loyal Blog Readers out there-- She bombarded me with so many questions about her visit to Kurdistan. I still have J.A.'s email and it makes me smile every time I read it. The first line of my reply to her was exactly this: "Take a deep breath, be excited and know that Erbil is waiting for you with open arms." 

Fast forward a few years, today J.A., her lovely partner and their Baby B. are living in Kurdistan. J.A. and I managed to form a special friendship, I was a little nervous meeting her for the first time after long email communications but finally we met in the garden at the 'Costa' cafe in Erbil. Sometimes it sounds too awkward to express your emotions towards someone (specially on a blog) but to give you an idea, soon J.A. became a mother and today I am the Kurdish aunt to her daughter, Baby B.

J.A. and I shared (and continue to share) stories, experiences and our views intersected on many things. Where we differ, it is a matter of learning from each other and informing the other. I am truly blessed, and I owe this blog for introducing J.A. into my life! She calls me her little Sis and her little Sis I am. Our gathering always includes a coffee and lots and lots of chit-chat on everything from politics to... well...arguments about what she should be feeding my little niece.

S.D. From Mumbai to Kurdistan 

Baby A. 1 month

Unlike J.A., S.D. and I have never met. Though I feel like I know her way too well. She is my Indian sister and for many years now we have been in touch -- almost on a daily bases. S.D. found my blog while searching for Kurdistan online, she emailed and since then the years have passed and our 'sisterhood' has only become stronger.

I was always interested in Indian culture, and so S.D. and I began long email exchanges. I would eagerly wait for her weekly emails to see what she would tell me. We became pen pals, or email pals? During that time she was preparing for her Big Indian Wedding and I got to see pictures of the dress, and even the ring, before her own relatives.

Time passed, and we  began Skyping. More time passed, I travelled and every step of the way S.D. was with me, later she too got pregnant and made me a Kurdish aunty to a beautiful Baby A. and today she sends me voice notes of Baby A's attempt of saying my name.

Everyone in my family knows S.D. sometimes they ask "how's your Indian friend?" Numerous times I tried to plan a trip to India just to meet S.D. it has not worked out so far, but I know very soon I will.

How lucky I am to have made lifetime friends. Even oceans and continents away.

Kurds

Mandalawi.blogstpot.com has also introduced me to the most amazing young Kurds in all corners of the world. Some lost of whether they should come back to Kurdistan or not; and others have made their decision but questions are keeping them awake all night. There were others who shared with me their stories, we had similar experiences and so I became someone who understood them. Sometimes young Kurds would email me under unknown names -- at times to show their frustration, other times confusion and sometimes satisfaction.

I admit I have not been the most Loyal of Bloggers, and I know there are some emails that I forgot to answer, please forgive me. But as much as I can, I have tried to reply to Loyal Blog Readers and give them the few words that they need. Soon, without me realizing this blog became a help service for many who were thinking of living/ coming to Kurdistan (Erbil in particular).

As for me, this blog has become part of my life. I have been approached to do many things with mandalawi.blogspot. But I choose not to. I want to keep it humble as it is. I know it is messy sometimes and there is no consistency in its content. I know, I can make it a DOT COM rather than DOT BLOGSPOT DOT COM and I know I can do advertisements and earn some good cash. But I prefer it stays like this. Five years, we have managed, and inshAllah we will for the next five years too.

Happy Birthday!
And thank you to all of you my Loyal Blog Readers out there.

Love
Sazan!



*I need to give some credit to myself here as well. Right? 
^ Yup. I progressed a little. By the way for those who don't know this is the Black Berry Messages thingy :) 
** Kind of  gives the meaning of "how are you doing" in Kurdish

The only two pictures in this entry reflect a lot of values in my blog. Two new borns, who are the daughters of two of the closest people in my life, who I got to know through this blog. 

So you call yourself Loyal Blog Reader/ Follower? Prove it.

Hello to the most Loyal Blog Reader in the world,*

I know I am not writing on what you are used to reading on Mandalawi.blogspot but please forgive me. I find it a little awkward to write on the great things of this city while we have more than 150 000 Kurdish ‘refugees’ coming in from neighboring Syria.

love, hate; life and death; optimism and pessimism all in one single photograph

Give me a little bit of time to take all this in, and I promise you I will go back to being your ultimate guide to life in Kurdistanakam (more in particular Hawlerakam)^

As I promised in one of my previous blog entries, [did you know you can actually click on that last sentence! So proud of myself![ Anyhowwww I went back to the Domiz Refugee Camp in Duhok (with the most amazing A.K. and R.B.) and once again trained over 40 young people. In total I have spent about two weeks in Domiz, and I can easily speak for A.K. and R.B. too that we are determined for us to go and stay there for a long period of time in the near future to do what we love to do. 

The team

I can write for ever about my most recent visit. But my dearest reader, you and I need to make a deal. I will tell you about some very very veryyyy special people in Domiz (the people that not a day passes without them coming to my mind) and how you can help them. If you can assist any of these individuals--actually 'assist' is the wrong word, more like if you can change the lives of these individuals-- then just drop me an email. Deal? Loyal Blog Reader, don't put me down. Please. And if you like I won't tell anyone about it. Come on, it's a deal. 

 Hamoo

We (A.K. and R.B.) fell in love with Hamoo. In fact, everyday the UNFPA staff at Domiz send us pictures of Hamoo, he can’t speak, but now when they pass the phone to him he tries to speak to me and R.B. on the phone. We don’t know exactly what disease he has (A.K. says its down, I guess it is autism) but that is not important. What is important that this little boy is being bullied and abused by other children—and adults—in the camp. He got used to visiting us everyday. He would quietly sit in the corner and draw. We looked after him by giving him snacks, involving him in the games (he is very very veryyyy smart, polite, generous and happy). Hamoo, is someone that I would love to have at home and give plenty of love to, and I hate any single person in this planet who disrespects him for a single second. He spends his day walking around the camp and now I hear that he is used to going by the UNFPA caravan everyday to spend sometime with the staff there in our absence.

Hamoo drawing

How you can help?

He loves to draw and he has a lot of imagination. Can you send him drawing kits? His clothes are always ripped and torn (can you send him some clothes? We gave him some new clothing and sandles, but we later realized some people in the camp had taken it off him. ARGH!!!), he loves cars—I know this for a fact because during the break he turned the empty Nescafe container into a car—can you send him toy cars? Perhaps something to keep him busy in the long nights inside the tent. But you will really be doing him a favour if you send him a little gadget. He spent hours taking pictures and playing games on my phone on it too.

Shindar

One group of youth we worked with from Syria (Rojava) at the Domiz Refugee Camp

Shindar was the most quiet person you could come across. He had a little shop inside the camp but later sold it. He says he likes to be far from people, but I think it is not because he doesn’t like people, but within him he carries a deep pain for the suffering of other people. I realized he likes to know a lot about psychology. He has a deep interest on why people act a particular way--he attempts to analyze people’s actions. On numerous occasions he asked me few questions that I couldn’t answer (mainly about behavior of human beings). Shindar loves to read. If you can send him books in either Arabic or Kurdish about this I know he will take it somewhere far, sit on the sand with his back against a rock (I wish I could say a tree, but there is not a single tree in Domiz) and read through the pages. Shindar also has a dream to plan trees in Domiz. He insists that certain plants can survive even though there is a water shortage.

 Yusra

Speaking to Yusra, she works at the women's center in the refugee camp

I know Yusra as Yasamin, because she is in love with Jasmine flowers. This is the most optimistic person you will meet in Domiz. She suffers a lot, but keeps it all behind a gentle smile. Yusra, is the secret box of the entire camp, as she works in the UNFPA women’s center. Every woman with a problem in the camp goes to Yusra. Many of the women find it shameful to go the center during the day, so they visit Yusra at ‘home’ after work hours to discuss their problems (YUP!!! You guessed it. You probably know how nosy I am when it comes to issues like these, I tried to get the most I can from her about some of the problems, but trust me it is easier interviewing Nerchirvan Barzani on the secret policies of the KRG government then asking Yusra questions on other’s women’s lives).

You can help Yusra by sending her a laptop and getting her an internet line so she can do research on how to help these women. If that is asking for too much, then make Yusra happy by sending her books (in Arabic) on how to deal with these women—she is getting training now— you can send her Jasmine plants--is there such thing? Or if you are very giving sponsor her and her family to get a house outside the camp because she is ill at the moment and doctors have said it is because of the sand in the camp. She has two young boys, maybe you can sponsor their education and I am sure that will make Yusra happy.

  

Rahm~

Rahm, walkin towards her burned down 'house'

In one of the training days, 17-year-old Rahm’s tent got burned down. While she is petite in size, her face looks much older than 17, it is as though I see early signs of aging around her eyes, the sort I see around my own mother's eyes. In the tent all their savings—money they had brought from Syria—also burned away.  Her family is now living with her married brother and a few other families in one tent ‘house’ (about 15 people in total). The day it burned down I witnessed the way Rahm cried, pointing at what was left from her ‘house.’ Yesterday, I got a text from her saying she is still in her brother’s family’s tent and she has had a proposal that she is going to accept. Yes, Rahm is going to get married. My dearest, I don’t know if it is because her family does not have the financial capabilities to look after her, or she is escaping from all the problems. But I know one thing for sure and that is Rahm is not in love.

This is what was left from the burned down tent

How can you help Rahm. Well, I will leave that to you. A girl and a family who lost everything; Everything got burned down and they have nothing left but the clothes they are wearing.

Najah

Najah is my new sister, she is my new best friend. She is only 18 and insists of going back to Syria even though it is war, “I want to follow my dreams and finish my studies,” she told me over and over again in many of our long walks through the tents in the early evening hours. This young girl is unbelievable. She has a dream of becoming an actress, she loves to act and she is so talented (I saw her shine as we got the participants to act out parts in a session where they were learning about better communication). I speak to her every single day and I can feel she is feeling sick and tired of life but is hanging on very tightly.

How you can help? We need to find her an opportunity of entering acting school in Duhok. Her family will not allow her to come to Erbil and pursue this. I know it sounds very hard, but if you know a director in Duhok, a casting for a film (or a series) or if you know of a school that teaches drama then you will be giving back life to Najah. 

Najah and I after one of the sessions- talking (and dreaming of her dreams)

For now I will stop here, but I will put a list of other people soon. If you can help any of these individuals email me s.mandalawi[at]hotmail[dot]com

Thank you! Zor sup as!** You are the best Loyal Blog Reader in the entire planet.

P.S. I have a surprise for you in the days or weeks to come. I promise! 

* Why you are Loyal? Because when your Blogger disappears for a while you decide to email and ask if everything is alright, and for that,  I love you.

^ Sound unfamiliar? Kurdistanakam, refers to my Kurdistan and Hawlerakam, is my way of spoiling Erbil. By the way, in Kurdish we don’t say Erbil, we refer to this city as Hawler! J just some extra information which you may or may not be interested in knowing.

~ Name changed

** Zor meaning a lot and supas is thank you. I will leave for you to work out what it means :)