Mandalawi has moved!

Loyal readers of mandalawi.blogspot.com

Just a quick note to say the blog has now moved to www.mandalawi.me in terms of design and look/ feel it still needs some work. Please be patient with me as I learn my way through. In the meantime, please don't hestitate to subscribe over there to get notifications for new posts. Every now and then I will update the blogspot with all the blogposts to keep as a backup.

Thank you for your understanding and see you there!!

Sazan,

Sorry, son! I have no answer.

I am sitting in the comfort of my home writing this blog post in shame; for one day my child will ask me about this tragedy and I will have to explain. I fear I won’t have an answer.



One year ago today, and since more than 5000 people have been killed, over 6000 have been abducted and 420 000 have fled. Do you know what 6000 abducted women, children and men means? It means every family is affected in someway.

My dear reader, today is the first anniversary of the Yazidi (Ezidi, Yezidi) genocide starting on Mt. Shingal.
My dear reader, I don’t even know why I am even writing this post. Not that it will change anything. I know it won’t. As I write this a woman is being raped, another is being physically abused, another is taken away from her child, another is forced to watch her daughter be sold into a sex slave. As I write there is someone somewhere wishing to die then live this life.

One year later, and we are only fooling ourselves if we say something has been done. If one single Yazidi woman is in pain then we have done nothing. If one single child is still living far from their parents arms, we have done nothing. If one single Yazidi family are living under a a tent this summer with insufficient water, and no air cooler then we, the world, have done nothing.

How will I answer my child, if one day he comes back from school and asks me “why the world remained silent and not much happened to help the Yazidi people?” Just as I asked my parents about the Anfal- Halabja, Feili Kurds, Brazanies… That is, if we take the initiative and add this genocide into our children’s history books.

I am no Yazidi, but I don’t need to be one to realize the depth of the pain these people have endured, I have lost count of the number of genocides committed against them, 72? 73? It hurts when you see a crime and you do nothing to help. Absolutely nothing.

The only hope I have is for my Kurdistan to keep the Yazidi people under its wings and provide them with a safe home…. a home where they practice their values, a home where their difference is celebrated, a home which they can call their Nest.

Love from My Nest in Kurdistan
Sazan,

A family smiled. Thanks to you!

Loyal reader, no matter where you are in the world,
Hello!

I was humbled by the number of inboxes and emails from the last post I wrote. I thought it is only fair to update you what happened to the lovely family of six since the last time I wrote about them. Someone, very kind, sponsored the eldest son’s transportation to and from school, so he will be on time and at school everday in the upcoming study year. Yaay!! A little money has also been donated for daily school expenses for next year. Both these will be taken to them on a monthly bases. This has been promised by a lovely one.
The day we went, we were told the younger daughter had asked her mother, “why don’t we have nice food for dinner.” Coincidently, we had taken with us another donation of a month’s cooking needs, paid off the debth at the shop, and the family received enough money- in cash- to live for the next three months even if they don’t receive any other salary or payment.

Oh yes, I can’t forget to mention the basket of sweets and goodies donated by another kind hearted person. I know the kids were excited to break their fast and start muching away.

These were all delivered a day before Jezhn (Eid).

Another dear one is following up with the mother’s health condition, her medicine and making sure she is seeing the right doctors and getting her diagnosis. I promise to conitnue visiting the family and give you updates every now and then.

In the meantime a number of other people, who live in a village, isolated, and are finding it difficult to make a living were also approached. With your donations their food debts were paid. All of you who have donated received an email with updates, if you haven’t yet received it then do let me know. Please!

From the bottom of my heart I want to thank you all, and all those who helped bring in other people’s donations. It means a lot. There is nothing like a happy nest.

Saza, Huda and SK, special thanks to the three of you. You know why!

Lots of love from
My Nest in Kurdistan
Sazan,

Change the life of a family. Please!

Today I met a woman who is in pain, she is in pain physically, mentally and her heart is broken into a million pieces, yet she smiles and is thankful. I sit here tonight in the comfort of my own home feeling guilty. Sometimes life, my dear reader, is indeed unfair to some people.

Today in a village outside of Erbil my wonderful friend Saza, S.K. and I walked into a home that was very bare. Half was a mud house. Spotless clean, with no furniture but a TV hung on the wall and a neat cupboard in the corner.

A unique family. A mother, aged 32, she was so beautiful despite looking as though she was in the second half of her fourties. She has breast cancer. Her husband died four years ago due to an illness, and left her with five kids. Her children, the eldest will turn 13 this month, were the loveliest, most well behaved I have seen.  I could see this woman has raised these kids with a lot of effort and hard work.
The children don’t know of her breast cancer, I send one of the girls outside to give sweets to the others while the mum talks briefly of her cancer, with two operations already done, nothing is clear. She hasn’t been taking her medication for the past three days because it makes her dizzy and tired, “I can’t look after the children, and cook when I take my medicine,” She explains.

This woman lives for her kids. They are so clean, well dressed and amazingly well behaved. Her only brother is neighbors with her, but he suffers from epilepsy seizures and isn’t in the best of health condition either.
I can’t sleep tonight without calling out for a helping hand to this amazing family of a cancer patient mother and her five children. I am worried. The kids have already lost their father, I don’t know what it will be like to lose their mother while being so young. It is devastating just to think of.

Would you like to help someone this Ramadan, do you have Zakat money? Here is how you can help this family:

1. Donate money so the eldest son so he can take a car ride to nearby Masif everyday for his high school, as there is no high school in the village. His mum cannot afford the 50, 000  IQD ($42) monthly car fee. He will have to try his luck every morning by walking to the main road in the hope that any random driver will stop and take him free of charge. If no one stops, then that day he won’t be going to school. This concerns me, if god forbid, the cancer becomes too strong and takes away his mother this young boy is left with the responsibility of all his four siblings.
2. Pay off the family’s food debt at the local shop in the village. Because salary hasn’t been received, the mother’s debt in the local food store has increased to more than 500, 000 IQD ($420). She buys food, and when she has money goes to pay back the shop owner.
3. Pay for the mother’s medical expenses, I feel for the sake of her children she is compromising in her own health. She is the type that won’t go to a private doctor  for herself so she saves money to feed her children. I am concerned about her neglect to her health.
4. Despite the fact that for her school is expenses because she has to give 500 IQDs (40 cents) a day to each of her children, she is still persistent they all attend school.  How lovely it will be if someone paid for a month’s worth daily school expenses to her children?

She is a wise mother, whatever donation you make I know she will spend it well on her children. She tells us one of her younger boys likes to drink milk. I think to myself whether or not milk is expensive, is this considered a burden? Despite her illness every week she makes bread at home so she doesn’t have to buy it. This is not just a woman, she is a warrior. If I had to award a woman for being so resilient and sacrificing for others, this mother will be her!

If you would like to donate to this beautiful family please get in touch. Any little bit will go a long way. This mother is very deserving and self sacrificing. Her children are the sweetest, most innocent little angels. Please. Help. Please.

Lots of love from
My Nest in Kurdistan
Sazan,

Image: Google.

Come with me to Rwandz!

Helllooo Loyal Readers,

I often complain that when in Erbil I miss the sound of ocean waves and the oh-so-great feeling of sinking my feet in the sand on the shore. How lovely it would be to be a car ride away from the beach? Ahhhhhhh (it feels amazing just typing the description). There is nothing I love more than nature, and Kurdistan’s nature for me is heaven on earth. Although I am upset this year I was not advised allowed to take any long car trips, it meant Shaqlawa was the furthest I went.* Maybe not a short car ride away, but in a few hours we can take ourselves from a busy and crazy city life to a peaceful little heaven.

Rwandz, the view from the Pank resort

I was going through last year’s pictures taken in the middle of the most beautiful mountains, nearby the grandest waterfalls and… I rememembered all the fun I had. So, how about  in this blog post you and I go and visit the deepest gorge in the Middle East. Let’s pretend we’re in the car and off we go to Rwandz.*

 

I share a special love for Rwandz (often referred to as the Grand Canyon of Kurdistan) because three of my best friends just happen to be from that area. Many (and I mean many many) years back my father was also based there,  so naturally I had heard a lot about the place. As for the people, they are the kindest I have
ever met. All this aside the heart-stirring nature of mountains, trees, waters and the weather… Oh. My… It is one of those places where you can pack your bags to and spend a week there to mentally recover and press the refresh buttons in your mind and soul. A place where you can clear off all the negative energy flowing through your body (don’t we all have a ton of that these days?!).

We went as a work retreat, it happened to be a place our boss loved, and I don’t blame him. We stayed at the Pank resort, they were little houses each furnished with all the essentials you would need on a weekend get away. The view from the houses were phenomenal, but we woke up every morning to have breakfast here, at the resort’s main restaurant. Now imagine this: Warm, fresh bread, yoghurt and a pyala of chai right here. On that very seat.


I had forgotten my camera (I know, how stupid?!) so these pictures-taken by the iPad- make no justice to what one sees with their eyes when taking a casual morning walk in Pank resort.

Rwandz (Rawanduz) this picture is taken from The Other Iraq Tours website

I am actually surprised of how amazing Pank is, although I must admit, it needs a lot more work to make it the five star resort it is promised to be. It has so much potential. With a little more organization and a good management team this place can be be the ideal getaway!

I can sit here all day and all night. Write, think, talk to friends, have fun with family members, sip my chai, have golabarozha or…do absolutely nothing but breathe in proper oxygen, something that I often miss in Erbil. Doesn’t it feel good to sometimes escape from pollution, the sight of too many cars, tall buildings and unwanted stress?

I was probably tweeting something with the hashtag Kurdistanakam

The only thing I would do differently this time when I do visit is switch off the phone. I have seen pictures of Rwandz in the winter time and it looks like being in a white cotton land above the clouds. Now that’s an idea for something to do this winter.

Rwandz in winter, picture taken from here

Calm down Saza, we still have the beautiful July sun (OH NO!) before you can even think of winter.
What is your favourite getaway place in Kurdistan? If you want ideas make sure you get your hands on a copy of the Kurdistan Tours Guide, or drop back to the blog next week. I have somewhere special to take you, once again!

For now lots of love from
My Nest in Kurdistan
Sazan,

* Please note the issue was health related, not security concerns.
* You may have seen it written differently: Rawanduz, Rawandouz, Rwandz, Rawandiz

Young women of Kurdistan- The change maker series, meet Beri!

Hellooo Loyal Readers,

I’m back with another inspiring young Kurdistani woman. I have been lucky enough to briefly meet Beri once or twice, but her work speaks loudly, and I have always been a fan. Some people, you watch their work from far, and you applaud what they do, and how they do it. I honestly can’t think of anyone else who in 140 characters (or less) melts your heart away. She comes through as a humble, kind human being, who in her world of filmmaking, writing and photography is being a voice to Kurds and Kurdistan. Often described as “an award winning writer and filmmaker” Beri is just that, award winning! And how amazing it is to see a fellow young Kurdish woman be recognized not just within Kurdistan but also outside for the work she does in a field that men often find it difficult to succeed in.

I admire Beri, her personality and her work! We have promised eachother a chat over some chai, and it is long over due, but here, we can together read Beri’s words as she speaks about life, career and dreams!
Are you ready?

Beri Shalmashi

Name: Beri Shalmashi
Place: Somewhere between Kurdistan, Egypt, LA, and the Netherlands
Occupation: Writer, filmmaker

Mandalawi: Let’s start broad, what do you do?
Beri: I hold an MA in Film, I have studied in the Netherlands, and for a short while in Los Angeles as well. The year I graduated, I received an award as ‘the most excellent student in the Netherlands’ from the Dutch minister of education, an award to highlight talents with a bicultural background, the best part: it included a scholarship to study at UCLA. Although I have always tried to be both academic and artistic, most of what you might (get to) know me for is artistic. I work as a screenwriter and director, and have had great opportunities doing my work in The Netherlands.



However, in the recent years I have lived at four different continents, most of you will know me for living in Kurdistan – where I moved to early 2012. After graduation, I have been based in Los Angels, Cairo and Amsterdam, too.

In Erbil, I have tutored at Salahaddin’s Cinema Department, I have been writing screenplays for long films yet to be produced, I have set up a PR firm, Meydan, with my best friend and business partner (as that is the things that Kurdistan makes you do) and like many of us I have been involved in voluntary projects, one of the highlights was definitely being amongst the first ambassadors of Kurdistan at One Young World, back in 2012.



Right now, I should be writing on one of the two novels I have been contracted to write, but the situation in Kurdistan is so distracting, I am trying to see how I can tell our story through films for a broad audience – financed outside of Kurdistan.

Mandalawi: What’s your journey so far, how did you get to where you are today?
Beri: I always like looking back at when I was still in high school, I had not planned for this rollercoaster of a journey. I was an active student, I had set up the school’s magazine, our yearbook, I took part in the school’s musical and would be in charge of several events. And I was preparing to study medicine after high school. I had all the right grades, after working really hard to pass math, medicine and chemistry. But I didn’t get through our lottery system. At the same time, I was awarded the ‘Young Writers Award’ and got to do a writing course, I chose to adapt a story I wrote for the school’s magazine into a screenplay and then I decided to get it funded – during the shooting of that film, I fell in love with filmmaking.


 
Mandalawi: What is your passion? Anything in this world you live for?
Beri: I am in love with storytelling, be it in any shape, writing, photography, music, performing arts, it all comes together in cinema. I like creating chaos, and then having to put everything in the right place, letting it make sense just through where I put every detail, sound, comma, anything. I like communicating with others, convincing them of what I believe in, making them see what’s in my head and together make it even better, and make it real, sharing a very personal emotion with a broad audience, from anywhere in the world, and actually make them feel the same.



Mandalawi: How is a day in your life like?
Beri: No day is the same. Sometimes it’s hard to create and maintain a routine this way, it depends on the phase of the projects I am in. When I am shooting a film, that means one needs to be on set around 7AM and weirdly enough I am never too tired to be on set. When I am pitching and developing, it means you go from writing, to meeting, to coffee, to meeting and just hoping that all time you invest into talking with clients, producers, channels, will make the projects come to life, so you can dive into the creative process again.



Mandalawi: Your source of support? What or who keeps you going?
Beri: The magic of sharing your imagination with other human beings. It’s in little things. I have had people walk up to me in public, crying, because a (Dutch) film I made, brought back memories of a long-suppressed loss. Or in audiences, when you hear others laugh and see them cry. I know, it’s a bit odd, but what they feel, is what I – and everyone involved – felt during the making, I think storytelling is an incredibly strong tool of communication.



Living in and working in Kurdistan as young, independent, single woman, is really hard. And sometimes I do interviews not necessarily to promote myself, but to promote following one’s passion and talents (because you have to have both). I gave an interview in Avin Aso’s live show on KurdMax and the next day I sat in a taxi with quite a traditional driver. My friend and he dropped me off home, and later on, my friend wrote me the driver had recognized me from TV. He was very happy to have met me and while watching the show he told his daughters to take an example in me, and to contact me on Facebook if they want to work in film as well. And that, just that, for a traditional Kurdish man to allow his daughters to follow their dreams and go into the very hard creative sector – that is what keeps me going.

Mandalawi: What challenges do you face in what you do?
Beri: In Kurdistan, too many unnecessary challenges that don’t have anything to do with my specific work. This is because it is hard to grasp for others, what my work actually inherits, it is also because we don’t have an (independent) industry. Even at the university’s Cinema Department, there is barely an understanding of what ‘Cinema’ is. I don’t even know where to start. There is no strategy for film in the Kurdistan Region either. And then there is the misunderstanding that film and arts are subjects one studies when not intelligent enough to get into other fields. And then there is the fact of being in Erbil on yourself, being a stubborn young female, and also being from Rojhelat, originally.


 
Beri: But the above is only related to working in Kurdistan. The normal challenges in my work are that in the end, you are the one carrying a project for the initial phase all the way up to the premiere. Of course, every phase of the project brings new and exciting people with it. But you are the one having to convince a lot of people that the idea in your head in combination with you is worth spending millions on. Millions of dollars. So, when you see me writing and drinking coffee, you might not consider it ‘work’, but I can feel like there is a heavy load upon my shoulders.

Mandalawi: How do you deal with those challenges
Beri: I use the challenges to really choose what I believe in and I just hold on to those projects really tight, knowing I can make them work one way or another, as long as I am flexible, in creativity as well as in my timeline. It has been six months since I had to delay the project of my dreams, ‘Four Gates’ that I had planned to be shooting right now. A big story set in Erbil. But because of the political situation back then – and now still – the sponsors had to pull back, no one could take a million-dollar-risk into shooting a film under unpredictable circumstances. My ego has still not gotten over it, and I am using different routes now to make the project happen anyway. What I have learned from that situation is that it makes sense for the Kurdistan Region not to have an industry or common sense about cinema, we have always had wars destroying any foundation we’d have built.


 
Mandalawi: Anything we should keep an eye on? Future plans/ projects?
Beri: Oh, yes. I am going to make ‘Four Gates’ happen. And I have adapted the novel ‘The House of the Mosque’, an epic story about Iran. You guys and gals can read that novel while the film goes into preproduction. And then there is smaller projects, you can keep an eye on my Tweets, surely I will share everything that is going on. Oh, I almost forgot, I have directed a short film that we have entirely shot from the perspective of a hot air balloon, drifting over Kurdistan during spring. It’s called ‘Heavens over Kurdistan’, keep an eye on that, too.

Mandalawi: Three dreams in your life
Beri: For my father to see Rojhelat again, to have a family of my own, to see the things I put my effort into, move people’s heart and minds.


 
Mandalawi: Any advice for other girls in Kurdistan
Beri: Dream, live those dreams, but be realistic. Take one step at a time and know what you’re aiming for. Choose a job that fits your talents. And please know, if you love what you do, you’re good at what you do and you can convince others of this, even if you’re father, mother or brother or neighbor’s goldfish doesn’t like what you’re doing, when they see the result, and see how others appreciate what you do and see you can maintain a living with it, eventually, they will know you’re doing the right thing.
In Kurdistan I noticed neighbors, family and acquaintances acknowledged what I did when they saw the result of my work in the media.

You can follow Beri on Twitter here, drop her a message on Facebook or follow her on Instagram!
Pictures: Taken from Beri’s social media pages with full permission! :)

Until next time
Lots of love from
My Nest in Kudistan

Sazan,

Kurdistan Tours

Helllooo Loyal Readers!

Once upon a time even on the World Wide Web there was rarely anything about places and out & about around Kurdistan. We were lucky enough to find any non-Kurd who knew something about the Halabja Genocide or the Anfal campaign.

Well, it seems like this is over! While there are many websites and information on the internet all about Kurdistan- history, politics and places to visit, we still didn’t have the ultimate guide… until now!
Are you ready?!

I recently got my hands on this book:

Kurdistan Tour Guide

The Kurdistan Tour Guide, edited by Dr. Douglas Layton, is your new must have. Trust me, even for someone who has lived in Kurdistan for nine years, when you get your hands on a copy of this book you feel as though you haven’t even lived here and haven’t seen anything in Kurdistan yet.

The book covers general information about Kurdistan, background to first time comers including some cultural insight and then the PLACES! All the places you can discover on this land. It goes through Kurdistan city by city, town by town and even villages to bring to you the best attractions and must visits. What I love is that there is historical information and background on each place. Guessss what????? It even has a section on Kurdish food, no but wait, the recipe to dolma (along with few other foods) is also there!!!

Everything from the plant diversity of the Kurdistan Region to poetry, music, arts, film, horses, libraries and of course the citadel is all in this 380 page book.

For only $20 it is a must have in any house hold. Not only if you want to travel around, but there is some great information there that is rare to find online. I have already book marked some places I want to see, meals I want to cook, and general information I want to read.

If you want to purchase your copy I was told there are some at the Divan Hotel and some Korek shops. However the best option is inbox the Facebook page right here and order a copy. Easy as that. You should have your copy the next day.

Kurdistan Tour Guide

There is a map attached at the back (big one too!)
For more information on the Kurdistan Tours Guide:
info@kurdistantourguide.com   (although the spelling in the book is info@kurdistantourquide.com)
It is published by the World Impact Press LLC, 2015.

Lots of love from
My Nest in Kurdistan

Sazan,

Young women of Kurdistan, the change maker series. Meet Saz!

What orphans talk about

Hello my dearest loyal blog reader,

Thursday Thoughts once again! Last week I met my friend Zhala, head of the girls section in the Erbil orphanage. When we meet our conversations are full of emotion, and sometimes anger and frustration. This time she told me a little story that has been on my mind ALL week long. I had to share it with you.
Basically, Zhala and two very young sisters who live in Mali Khanda, the orphanage, (let’s call them A. and I.) were walking out of the orphanage, this is how the conversation went:

A: ZhaZha (that’s what the little ones call Zhala) what does that sign say (pointing to the sign at the entrance of the orphanage) because of that sign people come and play with us and bring us gifts. 
Zhala: It is because you are all smart and lovely children and people like to bring you gifts and spend time with you.
A: But why don’t they go and take gifts to other kids who live in houses, they are also good children and they are smart.
I: No, It’s because we don’t have a mum and dad.

Zhala with A & I in Mali Khanda in Erbil.

That last sentence from one sister to another makes me burn from the inside.
You know what is hard to take in? Most of these children are neglected. Only a few have actually lost both their parents, most have a mother or a father still alive. But they know nothing of that parent, and that parent couldn’t care less.

I often wonder how they cope at school when everyone talks about their mother and father, how do they feel when they see other parents drop off their children and pick them up? I wonder how it feels when their friends say “my mummy did this and my daddy got me that”?

I know very well Zhala goes to their open days, concerts at school and takes part in every parent-teacher night there is for the kids she supervises. But these children need a lot more. Each of them needs and wants attention. I see it every time I visit. Each of the kids need endless love, they need attention, they need a loving family to be part of.

I have come to a conclusion that no matter how many toys you give them or how much new clothes you make for them nothing will compensate the emptiness within. Nothing. One of the most ideal ways to solve this issue to establish (it has already been planned out) and approve a foster care program within the Kurdistan parliament. It’s a must!

Until next Thursday
Lots of love from
My Nest in Kurdistan

Nine Changes in Nine Years

Hellooo Loyal Reader (yes, from a very unloyal blogger, please do forgive me, soon you will know why, and I promise this time I have a good excuse *innocent face*)

It was only yesterday in a drive from Erbil to Masif that it sank in my head that next year will mark ten years, one decade, of my return to Kurdistan. And believe me nine years ago, Kurdistan (in particular Erbil) was a completely different place. I feel like I have grown up with this city, and seen many of its phases. I still can’t get over the fact I am nearly TEN years older too!!!! WOW!

When you see a city grow in front of your eyes a special bond forms… Erbil under construction! Photo: Sayran Ibrahim

1. I swear I had a dream for one day to drive the streets of Erbil and not see people selling petrol on the side of the roads in Jilikan (bottle/gallons) I wished we could have petrol stations.
2. The only modern shopping place was Naza Mall. What? You don’t know where or what Naza Mall is? I don’t blame you. It was destroyed and smashed down. Who would go there when there is Family Mall? It was the only place where you could shop with a trolley, I remember looking forever outside just to find a place to sit down. It was that crowded. Compared to what we have today it was like a large supermarket.
3. Ainkawa was salon central. Eyebrows? A bride? Best haircut in town? Fancy, posh and expensive Senses, Mounir or LBC didn’t exist. And no, it did not cost $1500 for a bride to get her hair and makeup done.
   

   So many changes, and I was here watching it all happen… Photo: Narin Qaradaxi

   
   
4. Cafe for the girls to catch up in? You have got to be joking! Abu Afif, on 60m road, was the only decent place where you could gather with a few girls for sweets. Even that was awkward. No Costa, Barista or O’caffe. A little later Rhein Mall was born and we were all over the moon.
5. If you were a girl in a car young boys would slow down just to show their fellow passenger: “look at her, she’s a girl driving!” As if a monkey was behind the wheel. I am serious! Fast forward nine years it’s a complete different story.
6. When it came to summer there was never greenery. Trees? Plants? Are you serious?! Today when I drive through the roads of Erbil I appreciate every public place I go where there are plants, trees, and flowers. In fact, the trees I saw being planted years back, I can probably sit under their shade today.
7. Of course, construction has come a very long way, back then Naz City apartments were the major attraction, you would drive nearby and just stare at it at night. Who sees Naz City now when you have the entire skyline of Empire with Divan in the background and the huge Royal City complex.
8. I remember when I first started blogging I would get so many emails from parents or youth abroad who wanted to return to Kurdistan but were trying to find options for English schools. We had the International School of Choueifat (yup! I googled the spelling) but even that was limited to grade 7 I think, and every year they increased a grade. Now we have an entire list of schools the Danielle Mitterrand French School, Cambridge International School, British International School, the American International School, and the Fakhir Mergasori International School, I am sure I have missed a few too. But you get the point!
9. The first piece of writing I ever wrote nine years back was about the ridiculous driving in Erbil: “Outrageous Road Rage” fast forward nine years and that, my dearest reader, has not changed!!! However, now there are endless amount of speed cameras–and we all have a compiled few hundred dollars of fines– there are more and more road signs, and bridges, U turns and other intersects to make driving much easier. We have traffic lights that actually work–most of the time!

Siblings playing outside their ‘home’ in the Domiz refugee camp- Duhok, Kurdistan Region

Of course all changes and what so called “progress” come with its own pros and cons. We have more schools, yes, but is the quality of education better? Yes, there are more buildings and construction, but is there social progress to go with this? Yes, we have a ton of coffee shops and restaurants, but now-a-days the hookah has our young men addicted, something that didn’t even exist 9 years ago! Yes there is was rapid economic progress with thousands of new businesses opening and buildings going up over night, but did our university education change to have minds that can run those businesses and institutions? I doubt.

Erbil, and Kurdistan, has changed so much. At times it was like a new born child, it began to crawl then run before it learned to walk. It feels amazing to drive the streets or walk in places and see what has been built. Although I still have many wishes and dreams for My Nest in Kurdistan. I love what it has become, but I know it takes dedication and hard work of every single citizen to make it the Kurdistan of our dreams. It upsets me to see things slow down a little, to see a mother mourn over the body of her martyred son, and the father to bury him. It hurts.

I haven’t mentioned that during a time in the past nine years people would cross the border or come from other parts of Iraq on vacation, today compared to nine years back Kurdistan is housing 2 million IDPs and refugees in camps and host communities across the Region. I can only wish and pray when I celebrate my one decade back to my nest, things will be better.

Until next time
lots of love from
My Nest in Kurdistan

Sazan,

Stigmatizing Spinsters

Dear reader,

Hello there! This week I have a handful of ramblings but will keep it at one issue in particular. In the office we had a guest who was the founder of a local NGO/ women’s center. She left behind her business card, later one of the staff pointed out that the center/ NGO was for widowed women and spinsters. That’s right, spinsters.

Online, in the English world a general definition of a spinster is “an unmarried woman who has passed the marrying age.” Who on earth decides the marrying age? A pitiless society who is always ready to stigmatize.

It stirred up a discussion with my work colleagues, a little bit of laughter, but on more serious notes it reflected one of the major issues confronting women in our society today.

In my society if a spinster, or qayra zhn/kch, was used just as a term of reference like the words widow, single, married etc. this is entirely okay. But usually the word gives negative connotations to an extent there is sympathy for the woman who is referred to as a spinster. There is often pressure on the woman to compromise on what she feels could be her ideal man just so she can get married for the sake of marriage.
Some fall in the trap and do that, others don’t, but live with repeatedly being pointed out and referred to as a ‘spinster.’ It becomes more difficult for women who belong to conservative households restricting their outings, travels, study options and even return home after dark. It is basically telling women your freedom can come once you’re married.

While the union of a couple and marriage is a beautiful aspect of a man and a woman’s life, it is important we don’t stigmatize women who have decided, or happen to be still single. Why can’t we embrace the thought of an independent women who maybe works, has a great career and when the Mr. comes into her life, he is welcome.

I have been with friends who are still very young, but happen to be single, people have literally commented: “But you are beautiful, why aren’t you married yet?” I will leave it to you to imagine my reaction at that moment.

Back to the organization, I don’t know the details yet, but what I do know is that there are many single women in our society who are stigmatized in society. While in the urban areas it might be a little easier, in rural areas at times these women are seen as a burden after the parents pass away, who will she live with? What if she doesn’t get along with her sister-in-law? Why didn’t she accept the proposal to marry the older man who already has a wife and five kids?

Anyhow, that’s just a thought, a little observation,
I am sure one day will come where women can be at any age, single and no one will say a word, but for the time being we must work at it.

For now lots of love from
My Nest in Kurdistan

Sazan,

Let's visit grandma's kitchen!

 April 27, 2015 by mandalawi

My dearest loyal blog reader,

Take me to my grandmother’s kitchen, take me to her cozy home filled with love and care. Take me to her kitchen where every corner has a memory, where black and white photographs here and there make the past part of the present.

Take me, I won’t ask what she has cooked, I will know what’s for lunch just by the aroma in her kitchen. Take me, so once I have gobbled down every bit of food on my plate I can lean my head on grandma’s shoulder while she strokes her hand down my hair. She tells me stories of back in the day as tears fill her eyes. I tell her about life in the real world today, I take her words of wisdom while her arms are over my shoulder. Then grandma gets up and brings me chai (tea). You know, nothing tastes like tea made by grandma (not after Mam Khalil passed away).

I ask myself: Dear Sazan, how is it you feel this sensation and yearning even though the last time you sat on your grandma’s lap was well over two decades ago?

I will tell you why. In my nest, in Kurdistan, so many older women can have a grandma presence in our life. Like Pura Parwin. While she is known to be an aunt (Pura) for me it’s a different story.

I met Pura Parwin in the Erbil orphanage once, as she had come to celebrate one of the children’s birthdays. Fast forward two weeks and the beautiful, and super amazing Saza  took me to Pura Parwin, ever since I feel her little restaurant/home is a grandmother’s kitchen. When I feel I need to be spoilt with the love of a grandma, it’s time to visit Pura Parwin. 

While Pura Parwin refers to this place as her restaurant, it’s actually her little kitchen and home at the same time. The large kitchen is divided into three sections. A little living room, some chairs and tables and then the kitchen itself. We chose to have our lunch on the ground in the room section. It felt exactly like a grandmother’s house. The food is clean, and freshly cooked. The gathering was like that of a family home, to the extent we helped bring the food from the kitchen too.



Once the sunsets Pura Parwin pulls down the curtains, locks the doors and what was a restaurant during the day, becomes her little home in the evening. Every day she is ready to serve guests from breakfast to an early dinner. All home cooked food.

Pura Parwin’s is unlike any other restaurant owned and run by a woman, her company is what makes the lunch or even just the tea you drink that little bit extra special. She calls herself a therapist to so many who come and visit, a best friend to others, a mother and a grandmother. Each person who comes has a different connection with her. A unique bond. She solves people’s marriage problems, shares their laughter and speaks her funny experiences.



Saza (not me, but my amazing friend) knows Pura Parwin well. As we walked in during our visit Pura Parwin almost danced in happiness hugging our Saza tightly. I imagine this is the exact happiness a grandmother receives when her grand-daughter goes to visit. After lunch is served, Pura Parwin takes a seat with us, our conversation becomes a very long one. Her words are full of wisdom, optimism and she is a source of inspiration. I see the pure love Saza and her share with one another. She is not just a restaurant owner, who cooks clean, tasty home-made food, but an individual who plays a critical role in the lives of so many of her customers.



I don’t think I have ever been this comfortable being anywhere in Erbil. It felt so much like home. So comfortable. So cozy. Pura Parwin represents a strong woman who has built something out of nothing, a true entrepreneur. Many who had her situation may have resorted to begging on the streets, but no, this woman commited herself to work; enough work to pay for her son’s education as well.

Pura Parwin’s medical cabinet

Pura Parwin’s collection of books

I love the little details in this place. I look at the books that keep this elder woman company in her lonely nights. I wonder how it is for her, once she closes down for the day and pulls down the curtains. I see the little cupboard where she keeps her clothes, the little medicine cabinet….I worry for her. A few nights after I visited Pura Parwin I was in bed under two blankets, I could hear the wind and rain against my bedroom window. I immediately thought how she felt right then, remembering what she had said to me “the TV and my books keep me company till I fall asleep.”

Pura Parwin’s little red car

Did I mention Pura Parwin drives? Except now her little red car has stopped working, and instead it’s used as a store room for the extra bits and pieces she has. I love the simplicity in her life, the way she lives. I don’t know how to explain this: She is lonely, but at the same time every visitor has become her family.
I learn a lot from her experience and story, however, I have some views which I prefer to keep to myself. You might also observe them once you visit!

I wish I could give you an exact address, you enter it into your GPS and find your way to Pura Parwin, but the reality is we are in Erbil and giving an address is a living nightmare. Let alone receiving directions from me! In short, the little restaurant is located on the opposite side to Majidi Mall in Hawleri Nwe. If you want to visit it is best to call and get directions once you have crossed Majidi Mall: 0750 390 9506 or 0750 376 4078

If you do visit Pura Parwin please let me know how the experience was. Don’t be shy to socialize with her, you might just find yourself another grandmother like figure in your life.

Lots of love from
My Nest in Kurdistan
Sazan,

Dear world, I request a leave.

The doctor instructed I rest. 

And for a good five weeks I spent my days half asleep on the sofa, sitting in the garden and in between having needles drain out the slight bit of blood I have in my little body. I was on sick leave. This, my dear reader, made me realize we all need a leave, not from work, but from the world. 

Photo: Pennlive

I was on leave not just at work, but leave from Twitter tweets, from Instagram pictures, Facebook feeds, leave from shopping, and ladies and gentleman, sick leave from the world’s news. 

Hibernating has taught me quite a bit. 

So many of our illness come from stress, and something us Kurds call ‘kham’ (the definition I can think of here is grief). My people happen to know Mr. Kham a little too well as life hasn't always been rosy for our people.

I learned ignorance is bliss. Before this sick leave for nights on end I had nightmares of pictures I saw, families I witnessed mourning the loss of their loved ones and children crying. The harsh reality of our world haunted me in my sleep. Then again, in real life we can’t live in blindness, nor can we stay silent against the atrocities we see.

Mentally I felt so much at peace not knowing much. I remember at one point a dear one switched off the Wifi at home when the owner of my favourite teashop in Erbil died. Just so I could sleep that night without finding out. 

I spent hours on end sitting, observing the birds in my father’s garden. He would tell me about their different personalities while I watched how they ate, how they interact with one another and heard their tweeting. My friend, I heard the tweeting of real birds that flap their wings and fly, not the twitter feed tweeting on my phone.

As much as I was pushing people away- literally! There were individuals who would drop off a plate of dolma, or come by and sit with me in the garden when I couldn’t move a single muscle. I would find surprises behind our entrance door, letters and lots of miss calls (let’s just ignore the fact that more than half were work related!). I was reminded once again the close people in our life matter.

During my 'sick' days a friend, J.J. on holiday, who was thinking of me. Little things make a huge difference. 

It doesn’t make a difference how many Twitter followers you have, how many Facebook likes you get, or how many people double tap your Instagram picture. You can have four hundred Facebook friends, but when you have no one to ask how you're doing when you are down and unwell then what’s the use?!

I am back now. No longer on leave. But I carry the lessons with me. 

• When with people, the phone should be not seen, not heard. 

• When at home put the Wifi on, use the internet when needed then turn it back off. The continuous notifications give a sense that it’s the end of the world if one doesn’t see the new comment made.

• Stock up on new books and board games to enjoy. Once there is less internet in your life you realize that 24 hours is actually a lot of time (that is, if you don’t have an 8-5 job).

•  Follow the news. But not every minute of every day. You could, and you would love to, but a morning and an evening read suffices.

• Make a solid effort to appreciate and notice the little things- like the new plant in the garden or the flower that has just flourished.  

• Finally, our body is the most precious machine. The mind and soul above all; look after them well. Don’t take your good health for granted. 

Enjoying pomegranate with none other than my baaba

Writing all this makes me wonder: Wouldn't it be great if we were all able to take a leave from the world every now and then? I feel so many people in Kurdistan need a leave. They need to live stress free days without Kham, days without fearing their or their children's future, days without hearing news that shatters their heart. The people of my land deserve to be happy.

My heart goes out to all the families suffering in Kurdistan right now, in particular those who have lost their loved ones on the front lines to keep our land safe. I feel your pain.

I don’t know how long I will last, but for the time being, I feel much lighter, happier and above all, healthier.

Meanwhile, blogging is back on my 'to do' list, and I have some amazing people, places and things to tell you about, so please drop by (with your cup of chai) when you can.

Lots of love

From my nest in Kurdistan 

Sazan,

O' so cozy O'ccaffe!

February 18, 2015 by mandalawi

Loyal readers,
Ask anyone these days and we are all somehow stressed, tired, over thinking and just… had enough! If you are an expat here or someone who wants to relax in a place with a lot of western atmosphere, yet classic and cozy I think I’ve managed to find you something that you will like (thank me later, it’s ok). A chitchat? Something nice to eat? Perhaps even a casual work meeting or.. you know, just somwehere for you and your laptop? Look no further than O’ccaffe.

O’ccaffee – Erbil, Ankawa Photo: Their Facebook page! :)

I looooooved the lighting here. It is perfect. It doesn’t blind you. They have lamps! Lamps people, lamps. What a world of difference a small bookshelf and some lamps make to any cafe, and guess what? O’ccaffe has both!

Feels like your own living room

The food is beautifully presented and arrives with a blink of an eye. I was still admiring the decor, and before I knew arrived the mouth-watering large pizza (I love the thin crust, it was too good to be true) and an amazingggg salad! Oh so fresh!

A very poor attempt of taking an artistic photograph of a plate. The message is: It was yummy yum-yum! Photo: Yours truly :)

You know why I really fell in love? Because there is absolutely no need to fake cough a billion times till the person behind you understands not to blow his cigarette smoke into your lungs, nor do you have to be self consious if you visit alone with a notebook, pen and a laptop. Drop by, and let me know what you think.

Here is the O’ccaffe Erbil, Ankawa phone number: 0750 395 6485  and Facebook page I think for a larger group you need to call and make a reservation.

This post is not an advertisement. I (and, of course, Mr. Husband) just happen to like it there and thought I would share my latest find with you loyal readers.

Lots of love from
My Nest in Kurdistan
Sazan,